When I found out I was pregnant, I had just experienced a difficult break-up after a four year relationship and all I could think is this should not be happening. After I got over the shock, I decided right away abortion was not an option and I was going to place this child for adoption.
Although, it was never that simple; being pregnant was a difficult transition, I had to change my lifestyle and start the process of finding a family. It was a little overwhelming but at the same time I knew I could do this.
Choosing a Family
I decided to work with First Care and their adoption program, New Life Adoptions. They had families ready for me to look at and helped mediate our conversations, which was a really nice boundary. I really appreciated the fact that New Life Adoptions tried to get to know me and matched adoptive families to me based on my personality and adoption preferences.
As I looked through all of the waiting families, I came across a family that I knew right off the bat was the family I wanted to raise my child. I loved them. We talked for two hours and meeting them was not stressful or uncomfortable. I knew they were the ones and this was the family for my daughter.
Making an Open Adoption Plan
We were so comfortable with each other that we decided to move forward with an open adoption plan. It didn’t have to be in constant communication, but I wanted to meet a few times a year. I just want my daughter to know I’m there. I don’t want her to grow up with unanswered questions; and I want her to know she can always call me and meet with me.
I wasn’t giving a baby to strangers. They became an extension of my family.
Seeing my daughter grow up with the family I selected has been amazing. She has a mom, a dad, and a brother, she plays sports, and has everything she needs. If I had decided to parent, she wouldn’t have that freedom to do what she would like to. She wouldn’t have parents who are together, and she would have to go back and forth between two families. This is where she belongs.
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I told my mom about my pregnancy pretty abruptly. I had been living with my ex-boyfriend and things took a turn for the worse. I had distanced myself from my family, made some bad decisions, and ended up in a scary situation. I had never considered pregnancy options, including adoption.
When I found out I was pregnant, I ended up reaching out to my mom about a day after. I asked her to pick me up and she did. I got in the car and said, “Mom, please don’t hate me. I’m pregnant.” And she just sat there with a blank look on her face for a minute before saying, “Okay, go grab your things. We’ll get you home. It’s going to be okay. I love you.” I went home that very day and cut off all contact with my ex.
My mom was definitely my number one support system the entire time I was pregnant. She dropped everything in her life to make sure that I had everything I needed—and that I felt supported and loved. I have put her through a lot, and she has never shown me anything but unconditional love throughout this whole journey.
Adoption was never something I thought I’d consider. I always thought if I ever got pregnant, I’d raise my child.
Throughout my decision-making process, First Care was such a valuable and truly loving, supportive environment. When I first arrived, I was very nervous, but they made me feel safe and heard. We worked through every possible scenario, and it made me feel much more confident in my decision. I was even able to talk to a birth mother who had been through a similar journey, and she gave me reassurance and hope for the future.
I came to the realization that adoption might be the best plan for my child, and that was the most important thing to me. I wanted to give her the best life possible.
Choosing a Family
When it came to choosing a family, it was a big task. It was tough narrowing it down from 13 to 1. I was so glad my mom was there to help me through it all. We prayed together a lot about the choice and it ended up being very clear.
When we met my daughter’s adoptive family for the first time, my mom and I both felt like it was obvious—that these two people were meant to be my daughter’s family.
God has been a huge part of this journey to motherhood from start to finish. I truly believe that He orchestrated this all and made everything work out exactly how He wanted it to.
The Extended Family of Adoption
The most emotional time of this journey was when my daughter was born. I had 48 hours with her until we had to go our separate ways. I could have stayed in the hospital holding her forever. It didn’t feel real, and absolutely crushed my heart having to drive home without her, leaving her with her family. It was so scary at first. I did know these were really good people and that I could trust them, but part of me was terrified that I was no longer in control and that I couldn’t keep her safe anymore.
Eventually, I realized that I did everything in my power to keep her safe. She’s so happy with her adoptive family and has a stable home with parents who were ready to raise a child. They are wonderful and love her so much.
I have also gained her adoptive family as a family of my own. We get together and do activities. We communicate a lot—I get lots and lots of pictures! Just being able to see her happy and safe makes me happy.
I’m so glad I was able to place her with such deserving parents. This is better than any possible scenario I could have imagined, and I am truly grateful for this journey to motherhood overall, the joys and the struggles.